Time Once Again.. to Reconnect

My husband and I are trying to get through this summer.  It's been going fast and slow at the same time.  See, he's a stay-at-home dad during the summer months.  And the kids are bored.  Time is going way too fast for me, and way too slow for him.  While he enjoys time with the kids, he is ready for them to go back to school.  And while he's home, I've got the easy part.  I go to work.  I hate to admit it, but I find myself taking him for granted.  I'm ashamed to write this because I know I shouldn't. But just like I need reminding to put my phone away from time to time, I also need reminding that my husband needs attention too.  He's such a huge help and I lean on him constantly, but I forget sometimes that he also needs someone to lean on - and I need to remember to be there for him more often.  I was reminded of that fact just recently, and it got me thinking-  can I do more to keep our marriage strong? What exactly does make a marriage strong?
I'm going to tell you a secret, that's not really a secret.  Marriage is hard.  It's even harder with kids.   It takes real work and commitment to make a marriage last.  And I need to remember to take time to reconnect with my husband. Without the kids.  I think most couples would agree, if you want to stay together, you need a strong foundation.  You have to invest in your spouse first - then everything else will fall in place. And it's o.k.  to every once in a while get away and be a couple again.  Do something together that will remind you why you fell in love in the first place.  We did just that recently -- traveling to Bath County to discover the art of fly-fishing.  We had a blast.  You can see it in the video below.  I'll always remember that day fondly.  We just kicked back and relaxed for the first time in a long time.  Neither one of us knew what we were doing, and we really didn't care.  It was just fun doing something new - together. We should do this kind of thing more often.
Don't get me wrong, my husband and I have always had a good relationship.  We've been married now for 10 years. We were married for 5 years before the kids came along.  And we weren't sure we wanted them.  (Thank God we did.)  We now have 2 beautiful little blessings in our life, and while they are the most wonderful beings you will ever meet, they are demanding. And when kids come into the mix, it makes marriage ten times harder.  You are no longer just husband and wife.  You are mom and dad to these little beings - responsible for how they turn out. (no pressure, right?) And guess what?  You and your spouse take a back seat as far as your needs are concerned.    
I will never forget my friend telling me when she got married that she was now part of a "team."  I love this way of thinking of marriage.  You no longer are going through things alone.  If something good (or bad) happens to me, it happens to my husband, and vice versa.  We go through the good times and bad  - together.  And it helps to think of it like that.
I once asked my parents what advice they have for a long, successful marriage.  My dad said "always say yes" and my mom said "make sure you have a seperate space to get away." They've been married over 50 years.  And while I laughed at the time when they told me this, I have thought about both responses - and they're very true. 
1.  "Learn to say Yes" My dad's advice is a good reminder.  Sometimes we have to just simply say yes, when you really don't want to.   "Yes, I'll take out the trash," or "yes, I'll go with you to the boring office party so you don't have to go alone tonight." How many times would it help a situation to simply do something we don't want to do, because it makes our spouses happy?  It's something to think about.
2.  Make sure you have your own space to get away.  My mom's advice is smart.   I don't think my mom meant to go out and create a "man-cave" specifically, but instead,  take time to enjoy the things you enjoy doing. By yourself, or with your friends.  Don't think you ALWAYS have to be together.  Because you don't.  It's so important to continue to do the things you enjoyed doing before you got married.  My husband likes to hunt and shoot archery.  I like to run.  We do these things seperately from each other and we do them often.  It rekindles the soul.
3.  Don't forget to do the activies you enjoy - together.  That being said, when we do get the chance, we love doing things together.  We'll golf together.  We'll go for a hike.  Eat out.  Rent a movie.  These are all the things we did before kids - and we still enjoy doing now - and we try to do them when we get the opportunity. 
4.  Learn together.  Sometimes it's fun to do an activity together you've never done before.  It is a great bonding experience.  Like our fly-fishing lesson.  Something I never would have done by myself, but glad I did with him.

5.  Have fun together and never stop having a sense of humor. Laugh. And do it often. For us, we'll pick our favorite song and blast it in the kitchen after dinner. The whole family starts dancing around.  What better way to avoid the stress and the worries of the world - than by dancing like a fool?  Works every time.
And lastly, remember to pay attention to each other's feelings. Be kind and understanding of what the other person is going through, because like I said before, you're going through it too.  You're a team.